Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

A blind man walks into a hardware store with his guide dog. He picks his dog up by its tail and starts swinging it around over his head. It worries the store manager so he walks up and asks: “hello, sir. How can I help you?” The blind man replies: “Nah. I was just looking around.”

My grandpa always said when one door closes, another one opens. Smart man but a horrible cabinet maker.

A guy drove down the road, saw a hitchhiker, and decided to give him a ride. After getting into the truck, the hitchhiker was very thankful, but said to the guy “aren’t you scared that I could be a serial killer or something?” The guy chuckled, looked at the hitchhiker, and said “Chances that we both are serial killers are pretty low, don’t you think?”

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.